Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Nothing's more important now.
Dad hurt himself badly at work.
He's returning tonight due to his injuries.
He sounded like he was in great pain....
Sitting here...
I see something.
I don't know how.
There was a man.
He was hopelessly in love.
She was wonderful, put simply. Everything.
No matter what happened, it was always the same.
Questions he could never bring himself to ask.
Assumptions he could not bring himself to confirm.
He just wanted to stand by her, to never question her ideals.
To never fall back on his support.
To do the right things, to be the perfect man.
Taking everything in his stride.
He never dreamed...
Of burdening her with life's work.
He never wanted...
To share or unload even a little of life's burden upon his shoulders.
He often wondered...
What was truely his place within her.
He often dreamed...
A life together for eternity.
He often wanted...
To tell her how much she completed him, how much her presence brought him peace despite anything he had to go through.
This man?
He wondered many things.
Was she ever truely his?
Could he keep smiling despite this gnawing pain? This hollowness he felt within.
In a way, he thought her smile was enough.
Somehow, it could only numb...
That loneliness he refused point blank to acknowledge.
It claws reined in by chains, kept in check.
Finally, the carnage raising in his head got the better of him.
He knew...
Thought he should leave.
He finally tried to say something, but.
He couldn't bear to.
Half heartedly, he couldn't get straight to the point.
In a way, he got an answer.
An assurance. An assurance of his importance and her feelings.
It happened on Sunday.
He knew still... He knew.
Though she said nothing, told nothing.
It nagged at him but he shut it out.
Alone now, I look at him.
The man? He's smiling.
His eyes, they look so sad...
We speak, barest of a whisper...
"I love her, nothing else matters. If I could turn back the time, if I could turn back the time...... No, I would not dream of changing it."
He stands and leaves.
Hands in his pockets, a wind chilling to the bones.
Dramatic.
I light my cigarette.
He follows suit.
I can't take my eyes of him, underneath that smile...
I see the tears.
An endless rain.
Crucify my love...
Jerk the strings.
Play the song.
A hollow clicking ensues...
Nothing.
Lifeless.
The puppet dances.
I picked her up and my heart tore into a million pieces.
The pain was excruciating.
I spoke to her as always and hoped everything could be fine.
Gave her a warm gentle bath to revive her.
Tried to feed her some sugar syrup to energize her.
I was too late...
This sounds lame, but
fuck you if you think it is.
It seemed to be waiting for me.
It revived enough to look at me with those eyes as she always does.
Mewing softly while staring at my eyes whenever I sang to her.
She left me looking seemingly contented with her eyes open. Cried.
I love her...
Cold...
I've missed my stop.
So cold...
What is this?
Fuzzy.
Warm.
Chong and the others, they are so worried.
I couldn't really tell them anything.
Is it me or they won't understand?
I should stop.
Knowing only a little.
Showing so much concern.
Chong espacially.
Touched.
I could cry...
Caught The Land Of The Dead with her last night.
Blood.
Gore.
Ridiculous and absurd.
Nevertheless, it was entertaining.
Passable possibly only because of her company...
An early breakfast of MickeyD's.
Ichigo 100% with strawberry panties and the works.
Laughter shared.
She's beautiful...
Words unspoken as there was no such need.
Snuggling up to each other before we crashed for the night.
Sneak glances at her while she slept.
Watching her smile in her sleep.
Describe this feeling?
With words, I just have to say it's impossible...
Overwhelmed.
Memories overload.
Too much, too fast.
Driving Nicholas Yeo's van with Chong.
Plans to finalise.
My sisters.
Friends.
Smd.
Derek.
Her.
Burdened and burdens.
A constant buzz.
Albeit like a standstill within the eye of a storm.
Maximum carnage... Light flares.
He blinks.
He blinks...
SCREAM.
This entry is for you.
You know who you are.
You're truely are a blessing of a friend.
Quietly, never leaving a trace. You remain somewhere near me.
Reading up when no one is around, checking if I've made an entry espacially at night.
You know me all to well.
Your words on your recent entry really touched me.
What I owe you, I will never be able to repay in this life.
I know...
Our friendship is special, you would never want me to say that.
However, it's the truth.
You made me.
Who I am now, it would never happen without your love, pain and courage to take it all within you.
However, I have to differ on that thought of yours.
You know I would want to be there for you always as a friend too. Please don't think otherwise.
You are right, it's not easy doing this.
Yet, it's all worth it.
I am happy...
Furthermore, I
used to be alone.
I am not anymore.
I have her.
My life is beautiful... Thank you Emily.
I know where you hide alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her everytime she falls Yeah
Tap on my window knock on my door I want to make you feel beautiful
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved.....
She will be loved.
A few days back, you asked me a question.
We have both changed...
I used to be a lie.
Now?
So what if we are fools?
You complete me...
The guy up there loves his jokes.
Yet, I owe you one though you're an ass.
Everything thus far was worth it.
There is a happy ending.
Shang bro, you have to meet her.
Thank you for loving me... You're beautiful.
Tired.
Distant and keeping things to myself.
Anyway...
Have a real chance to persue a closet love with help from one of my best friends.
Dropping a few hobbies to persue it seriously.
Don't ask, it's my secret.
Looking at the little thing sleeping on my lap now, it's hard to connect the meyhem it is able of causing.
A friend was silly enough to handle a litter of kittens only days old from it's mother.
Rejected, the kittens had to be left to fend for itselves.
I"ll admit I wasn't pleased to hear of his ignorance.
The little felines aren't even supposed to leave their mother's side at least for a month.
Right now?
My friend dumped a blind and palm size little kitten on me for help.
Young and lonely, it demanded attention or it would mew pathetically tearing at my heart-strings.
It never leaves my side now. I hardly slept a wink in case I accidentally crush it.
It didn't help that it enjoyed exploring every nook and crevice of my body and bed.
However, it really is quite an affectionate and adorable little darling minus the distress it causes.
On another note, spent time with a close friend last night.
Amazing how something as wonderful as love could cause so much pain to those around me.
Songs sung, jokes and laughter shared.
Friends who know each other without a need to share a word.
Well, he's got me addicted to David Tao and a number of other artistes.
He's really quite the singer and have I mentioned a gift for wonderful compostions?
Damn him. It's unfair.
Heh.
I wonder what the kitten feels about being a passive smoker.
Looked up on my kid brother's blog.
Came upon an entry that made me really smile.
The following is an extract.
[-SS-^Shermain^-h3x-]
Named "Sniper Legend" by many; a nick that instilled fear a long time ago. A former WatcherZug whom many believed had the ability to pit against the other legend, Bloodberry.Was training yesterdae when this guy appeared in our server. He goes by the name serrentino, a senoir player who is in sgdod. He recognise the familiar faces and sprouted abt the past. mentioned abt me and the ghost ss era, when i was pretty much known as ahem, a legend. He notice a diff in my gameplay, climbing with retarding pace.... Made me wonder... those daes were really great =P. I mean, those were the daes where i could slack my ass off at home and spend time on inefficient things like gaming. Now, times had changed and i no longer would wanna commit myself to gaming (All grown up alredy ma.) Its more like a distressing tool nowadays. I'm no longer those hardcore players like kazuya from cs or duckie form wc3, just a pure ordinary player =). But hehe its a good experience to once lived as a legend. A legend A legend A legend A legend I'm A LEGEND w0oh0o0o. ok this entry is so damn lame.
Well, It's really true.
I've seen him play myself. My mouse pad? My 100 doller mouse?He won them fair and square at first place in numerous tournaments.
Besides, he's also won countless medals for sports and rugby. His mug even got posted on the papers.
Tall, dark and strapping. Quite a great looker with an intersting sense of humour.
He's single.
Ladie's anyone?
My mind wonders as I puffed smoke clouds into the air.
It has been nearly a month so far.
What should I be doing? How should I address these issues.
All I know is, I find myself constantly disappointed with this ugliness I see all around me.
Maybe I will do a "try and take over the world" formulae just like the movies.
